Music - My life :: Przegląd tematu

Lenlem · Wysłany: Czw 6:37, 19 Kwi 2007 Temat postu:

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Gość · Wysłany: Śro 22:48, 11 Kwi 2007 Temat postu:

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Susan3070 · Wysłany: Pon 18:57, 05 Lut 2007 Temat postu: real

Timothy4836 · Wysłany: Pon 18:32, 05 Lut 2007 Temat postu: meeting

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Emma2216 · Wysłany: Pon 17:01, 05 Lut 2007 Temat postu: conversation

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Tammy1811 · Wysłany: Pon 15:26, 05 Lut 2007 Temat postu: Apple

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Ravena · Wysłany: Czw 10:53, 14 Lip 2005 Temat postu:

W ramach wzmacniania wizerunku prezydent Bush odwiedził pewną szkołę, gdzie wyjaśniał swoją politykę. Potem poprosił dzieci o zadawanie pytań. Głos zabrał mały Bob:
- Panie prezydencie, mam trzy pytania:
1. Jak się pan czuje po sfingowanych wyborach, które pan wygrał?
2. Dlaczego pragnie pan bezpodstawnie zaatakować Irak?
3. Czy nie myśli pan, że bomba w Hiroszimie była największym atakiem terrorystycznym wszech czasów?
Wtedy zadzwonił dzwonek i wszyscy wyszli z klasy. Po przerwie prezydentowi Bushowi dalej stawiano pytania, lecz tym razem zabrał głos Joey:
- Panie prezydencie, mam pięć pytań:
1. Jak się pan czuje po sfingowanych wyborach,które pan wygrał?
2. Dlaczego pragnie pan bezpodstawnie zaatakować Irak? 3.
Czy nie myśli pan, że bomba w Hiroszimie była największym atakiem terrorystycznym wszech czasów?
4. Dlaczego dzwonek na przerwę był 20 minut wcześniej?
5. Gdzie jest Bob?

Kontrola sanepidu w szkolnej stołówce...
Kontroler:
- Co to jest to zielone i pomarańczowe?
Pani ze stołówki:
- Zielony jest alegorią - trudne słowo - szyneczki z Constaru, a pomarańczowy jest metaforą - jeszcze trudniejsze słowo - barszczyku ukraińskiego...

Tato co to jest?
- To są czarne jagody synku.
- A dlaczego są czerwone?
- Bo są jeszcze zielone.

W ogrodzie obok szpitala psychatrycznego podchodzi jeden z pacjentow do ogrodnika i zadaje pytanie.
- przepraszam co pan robi?
- nawoże..
- nie rozumiem..
- no posypuje truskawki gównem
- aha.. a ja cukrem, ale wie pan ja jestem ten pierdolnięty...

Adek · Wysłany: Nie 13:14, 03 Lip 2005 Temat postu:

Mąż przychodzi nieoczekiwanie do domu i zastaje żonę z kochankiem w sytuacji jednoznacznej.
Wzburzony krzyczy:
- Ty z tym panem w łóżku... Jestem zaskoczony!
- Mylisz się kochanie! - Tłumaczy spokojnie żona. - Ty jesteś tylko zdziwiony. To my jesteśmy zaskoczeni!

W Tatrach na hali opala się naga blondyna. Raczej śpi, albo jest mocno
zamyślona. Przechodzący turysta zgorszony widokiem nagiego damskiego
łona (ale zabrzmiało) przykrywa je swoim kapeluszem (co za poświęcenie!).
Przychodzi Baca, patrzy i mówi:
- O Jezusicku! Wciągnęło faceta

Ania89 · Wysłany: Śro 16:15, 29 Cze 2005 Temat postu:

Przychodzi 80-latek do lekarza. Lekarz zbadal go i mowi:
Jest pan w rewalacyjnej formie, jak pan to robi?
-Uprawiam sport - odpowiada staruszek - codziennie gram w golfa.
-Aha... a ile lat mial panski ojciec kiedy umarl?
-A kto powiedzial ze umarl!? - dziwi sie staruszek - ojciec czuje się bardzo dobrze, wczoraj gralem z nim golfa
-A ile ma lat? - pyta lekarz
-Bedzie miesiac jak skonczyl 100 - odpowiada staruszek
-No dobrze a ile lat przezyl panski dziadek?
-Alez panie doktorze moj dziadek tez zyje i cieszy sie dobrym zdrowiem ma 118 lat.
-Niech mi pan tylko nie mowi ze wczoraj gral z panem w golfa? - Pyta zdenerwowany juz lekarz.
-Nie wczoraj nie mogl bo bral slub
Lekarz juz piana na ustach.
-Jak to to on w wieku 118 lat chce sie jeszcze zenic?
-A kto powiedzial ze CHCE? - zdziwil sie staruszek - On MUSI...

***

W pewnym mieście powstał sklep, w którym każda kobieta mogła sobie kupić męża...
Miał sześć pięter, a jakość facetów rosła wraz z każdym piętrem. Był tylko jeden haczyk: jak już kobieta weszła na wyższe piętro, nie mogła zejść niżej, chyba że prosto do wyjścia bez możliwości powrotu.
Wchodzi więc tam pewna babka poważnie zainteresowana kupnem męża.
Na pierwszym piętrze wisi tabliczka: ”Mężczyźni tutaj mają pracę" to już coś, mój były nawet roboty nie miał - pomyślała kobieta - ale zobaczę, co jest wyżej. Na drugim piętrze był napis: "Mężczyźni tutaj mają prace i kochają dzieci" Miło, ale zobaczymy co jest wyżej. Na trzecim piętrze była tabliczka: „Mężczyźni tutaj mają pracę, kochają dzieci i są niesamowicie przystojni" - no, coraz lepiej - pomyślała, ale wyżej, to musi być już rewelacyjnie. Na czwartym piętrze można było przeczytać: "Mężczyźni tutaj mają pracę ,kochają dzieci, są niesamowicie przystojni i pomagają przy pracach domowych" -słodko, słodko... ale chyba wejdę piętro wyżej
Na piątym piętrze stało: "Mężczyźni tutaj mają pracę, kochają dzieci, są niesamowicie przystojni, pomagają przy pracach domowych i są diabelnie dobrzy w łóżku" - no niesamowite, wręcz cudownie - pomyślała kobieta - ale jak tu jest tak wspaniale, to co musi być piętro wyżej?!?!?!?! Na szóstym piętrze BARDZO zdziwiona kobieta przeczytała: "Na tym piętrze nie ma żadnych facetów. Zostało ono stworzone tylko po to, aby udowodnić, że wam kobietom za cholerę nie można dogodzić...

decKster · Wysłany: Pon 15:27, 27 Cze 2005 Temat postu:

Na swiatlach zatrzymuje sie nowiutki Mercedes i prykoczaca Syrenka.
Kierowcasyrenki opuszcza szybe (uik,uik,uik) i puka w szybe
merca(puk,puk).
Kierowca merca opuszcza szybe (bzzzzzzzt) i pyta:
- Czego?
- No nie ma pan moze jakis kaset video, bo bym se cos obejrzal na
satelicie
leca same smieci...?
- Nie mam. [skad ten ma wideo w syrence???]
Nastepnego dnia sytuacja sie powtarza. (uik,uik,uik) (puk,puk,puk)
(bzzzzzzzt)
- Czego tym razem?
- A ma pan moze jakies kielbaski? Grilla robie z przyjaciólmi i
wyczyscilismy juz lodówki...?
- Nie mam. [jaki grill w syrence???]
Kierowca Mercedesa ciezko ugodzony w swoje ego postanowil rozbudowal
samochód o bajery z Syrenki.
Spotykaja sie na swiatlach.
(bzzzzzzt)
(puk,puk,puk) (uik,uik,uik).
Kierowca merca pyta:
- No moze pan chce kielbaski, chlebek na grilla. Mam cala najlepsza
kolekcje wideo i inne rzeczy,
co tylko panu trzeba.
- Ku**a, to po takie gówno mnie pan z wanny wyciagal???

Jedzie mężczyzna na rozmowę w sprawie pracy do Warszawy. A że miał trochę czasu to jakoś pojechał bocznymi drogami. Niestety trochę pobłądził. Podjeżdża do jakiegoś domu w napotkanej wioseczce. Zachodzi, puka, otwiera mu dziadunio, szczerbaty, w ręku wino marki wino.
- Przepraszam dziadku, jak najszybciej dostać się do Warszawy?
- A idziesz czy jedziesz?
- Jadę.
Dziadunio pomyślał chwilę, oczy wlepił w niebo i spokojnie odpowiada:
- No, to właśnie to jest najszybszy sposób....

decKster

Siatapp · Wysłany: Nie 19:08, 26 Cze 2005 Temat postu:

Jeżeli mogę to ja jeden ale konkretny...

Fragment pamiętnika.

12 sierpnia
Przeprowadziliśmy się do naszego nowego domu, Boże jak tu pięknie.
Drzewa wokół wyglądają tak majestatycznie. Wprost nie mogę się doczekać,
kiedy pokryją się śniegiem
14 października
Beskidy są najpiękniejszym miejscem na ziemi! Wszystkie liście zmieniły
kolory - tonacje pomarańczowe i czerwone. Pojechałem na
przejażdżkę po okolicy i zobaczyłem kilka jeleni. Jakie wspaniałe!
Jestem pewien,że to najpiękniejsze zwierzęta na ziemi. Tutaj jest jak w raju.
Boże, jak mi się tu podoba.
11 listopada
Wkrótce zaczyna się sezon polowań. Nie mogę sobie wyobrazić, jak ktoś
może chcieć zabić coś tak wspaniałego, jak jeleń. Mam nadzieję, że wreszcie
spadnie śnieg.
2 grudnia
Ostatniej nocy wreszcie spadł śnieg. Obudziłem się i wszystko było
przykryte białą kołdra. Widok jak pocztówki bożonarodzeniowej.
Wyszliśmy na zewnątrz, odgarnęliśmy śnieg ze schodów i odśnieżyliśmy drogę
dojazdową. Zrobiliśmy sobie świetną bitwę śnieżną (wygrałem), a potem przyjechał
pług śnieżny, zasypał to co odśnieżyliśmy i znowu musieliśmy odśnieżyć drogę
dojazdową. Kocham Beskidy.
12 grudnia
Zeszłej nocy znowu spadł śnieg. Pług śnieżny znowu powtórzył dowcip z
drogą dojazdową. Po prostu kocham to miejsce.
19 grudnia
Kolejny śnieg spadł zeszłej nocy. Ze względu na nieprzejezdną drogę
dojazdową nie dojechałem do pracy. Jestem kompletnie wykończony
odśnieżaniem. Pieprzony pług śnieżny.
22 grudnia
Zeszłej nocy napadało jeszcze więcej tych białych gówien. Całe dłonie mam
w pęcherzach od łopaty. Jestem przekonany, że pług śnieżny czeka tuz za
rogiem, dopóki nie odśnieżę drogi dojazdowej. Skurwysyn!
25 grudnia
Wesołych Pierdolonych Świąt! Jeszcze więcej gównianego śniegu. Jak kiedyś
wpadnie mi w ręce ten skurwysyn od pługu śnieżnego... przysięgam -zabiję.
Nie rozumiem, dlaczego nie posypią drogi solą, żeby rozpuściła to gówno.
27 grudnia
Znowu to białe kurestwo spadło w nocy. Przez trzy dni nie wytknąłem nosa,
z wyjątkiem odśnieżania drogi dojazdowej za każdym razem, kiedy przejechał
pług. Nigdzie nie mogę dojechać. Samochód jest pogrzebany pod górą białego
gówna. Meteorolog znowu zapowiadał dwadzieścia pięć centymetrów tej nocy.
Możecie sobie wyobrazić, ile to oznacza łopat pełnych śniegu?
28 grudnia
Meteorolog się mylił! Tym razem napadało osiemdziesiąt pięć centymetrów
tego białego kurestwa. Teraz to nie odtaje nawet do lata.
Pług śnieżny ugrzązł w zaspie a ten chuj przyszedł pożyczyć ode mnie łopatę!
Powiedziałem mu, że sześć już połamałem kiedy odgarniałem to gówno
z mojej drogi dojazdowej, a potem ostatnią rozpierdoliłem o jego zakuty łeb.
4 stycznia
Wreszcie wydostałem się z domu. Pojechałem do sklepu kupić coś do jedzenia
i kiedy wracałem, pod samochód wpadł mi pierdolony jeleń i całkiem go rozjebał.
Narobił szkód na trzy tysiące. Powinni powystrzelać te skurwysyńskie jelenie.
Że też myśliwi nie rozwalili wszystkich w sezonie!
3 maja
Zawiozłem samochód do warsztatu w mieście. Nie uwierzycie, jak zardzewiał
od tej jebanej soli, którą posypują drogi.
18 maja
Przeprowadziłem się z powrotem do miasta. Nie mogę sobie wyobrazić,
jak ktoś kto ma odrobinę zdrowego rozsądku, może mieszkać na jakimś
zadupiu w Beskidach.

DuSh · Wysłany: Sob 12:08, 25 Cze 2005 Temat postu:

Jasio został dyscyplinarnie wyrzucony z przedszkola. Trafił do innego. Pyta się tam znajomego:
- Można palić?
- Da się, spoko.
- Można pić wódę?
- Spoko, jak się podzielisz z wychowawcą to on nawet da szkło.
- A dziewice są?
- Czyś ty zgłupiał ? Co ty? W żłobku jesteś?

Jasio miał już 5 lat, a jeszcze nic nie mówił. Pewnego dnia mama podaje mu obiad, a Jasiu wrzeszczy:

- A gdzie kompot?!
Mama zdziwiona:
- Jasiu, to ty umiesz mówić.
- Umiem - odpowiada Jasio.
Mama:
- To dlaczego dotąd nic nie mówiłeś.
- Bo zawsze był kompot!

Gość · Wysłany: Wto 17:28, 21 Cze 2005 Temat postu:

Czy moge prosic o reke Panskiej córki?
- A co, nie masz swojej - zazartowal ojciec
- Mam, ale juz zmeczona - zazartowal chlopak

O trzeciej w nocy ONA po cichutku wymknęła się z małżeńskiego łoża do
sąsiedniego pokoju. Klawiaturą rozbiła 19-calowy monitor, wszystkie płyty
CD porysowała i podeptała swoimi pantoflami. Obudowę komputera wyrzuciła przez okno, a drukarkę utopiła w wannie. Potem wróciła do sypialni, do ciepłej pościeli i przytuliła się z miłością do boku swego nic
nie podejrzewającego, śpiącego męża. Była przeświadczona, że już teraz cały wolny czas będzie przeznaczał na ich miłość. Zasnęła... Do końca życia pozostały jej jeszcze niecałe cztery godziny...

decKster · Wysłany: Pon 13:09, 20 Cze 2005 Temat postu: Dowcipy!

Wpisujemy tu nasze ulubione, lub obecnie będące dla nas znajome dowcipy. Każdy post zawiera minimalnie 2 dowcipy. Do dzieła więc!